Captain's Log, Day 60: Finals Week

          Let me begin by saying that I cannot take credit for this. This was a funny article my mom found stashed amidst some old school work, and I enjoyed it so much I had to publish it. This is an excellent time to rediscover this too, as I happen to be facing some finals of my own...

                                                 Finals Week

          And it came to pass that early in the morning of the last day of the semester, there arose a multitude smiting their books and wailing. And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, for they were sore afraid. The day of judgment was at hand. For they left undone those things which they ought to have done and had done those things which they ought not to have done. And there was not help for it.

          And there were many abiding in their rooms who had kept watch over their books all night, but it availeth not. And there were some who arose smilingly, for they had prepared for themselves the way; and made straight the path of knowledge. And there were wise ones known to some as burners of the midnight oil. But by others they were called the curve-spoilers. And the multitude arose and ate a hearty breakfast.

          And they came unto their appointed place, and their hearts were heavy within them. And they came to pass, and some passed not, and others only passed out. And some of them repented their riotous living, and bemoaned their fate, but they had not a prayer.

          And at the last hour, there came among them one known as the instructor, he of the diabolical smile, and he passed papers among them and went his way. And many and varied were the questions asked by the instructor, but still more varied were the answers which were given, for some of his teachings had fallen among fertile minds, and others had fallen fallow among the fellows while still others had fallen flat. And there were some who wrote for an hour, others for two, and some who only turned away sorrowfully.

          And of those, many offered up a little sacrificial bull, in hopes of pacifying the instructor, for those were the ones who had not a prayer. And when they had finished, they gathered up their belongings and went away quietly, each in his own direction. And each one vowing to himself in this manner: “I shall not pass this way again.” But it is a long road that has no turning.

          I.E. May 1970