Thursday, July 26, 2012

Captain's Log, Day 93: I Just Won a Bet

          Someone made a bet with me.
          ...and we all know how THAT'S gonna end...
          Shorty made the sort of squealing noise normally associated with small rodents being stepped on. "EEEEEEE!!!! That's how many short jokes, now?"
          I shrugged. "At least five in the last few minutes."
          I attempted to keep a straight face, but I defy anyone to manage that while watching a short person wave her hands around in hopeless futility. It was probably a good thing that she was a few thousand miles away from me at this precise moment, or she probably would have attempted to kill me. "Probably because short people are such an easy target?"

          Her face was priceless, even through the video chat app. I spared a moment to wish aloud, "Ughh, I wish I had a camera!!" 
          "It's a good thing you don't!" she retorted, a few milliseconds before I smacked myself. "Hey, what--"
          "I'm an idiot!" I complained. "I can just take screenshots and save them!"
          "What? NO! Wait, you wouldn't...would you?"
          I was busily pulling open Paint windows in preparation for screenshots, in the meantime giving my best Cheshire Cat grin. Shorty groaned. "This is going to be another phone-in-the-toilet thing, isn't it?"

"Why am I talking to this freakishly tall lunatic?"
Wonder if she means me...?
          The "phone-in-the-toilet thing" was referring to a prank I pulled on her last semester. She had forgotten where she had put her phone, and I found it before she did and quietly hid it. Then I made a quick trip to the bathroom. When I got back, Shorty was positive that I took it, so (being the absurd person that I am) I told her I hid it in the back of the toilet, in the little water container thingy. (I'm sure there's a word for it, but I can't think of it.) She knew I was kidding, and asked me why she thought I would believe such a thing; because if I'd REALLY dropped her phone in the water, she would have killed me on the spot. I told her that I'd sealed it in a Ziplock bag before I put it in there. After some back and forth discussion, I managed to convince her that I had put it in there, and she departed to check. When she was gone, I quickly put her phone back on the table. Shorty came back laughing and berating me for being a liar, and demanded to know WHERE HER PHONE WAS!!! I managed to keep a straight face while she rummaged through my backpack, but completely lost it when she discovered the phone sitting nicely on the table. I ostentatiously carried a Ziplock with me through the rest of the semester, and managed to trick her three more times with the same prank. It's been a running joke ever since; whenever I say something completely ridiculous that has a slight hint of possible truth (mostly when I'm trying to convince her of something), Shorty complains that "'s going to be another "phone-in-the-toilet thing again!!!"

"...he wouldn't...would he? Noo, I'm sure he wouldn...EEEEEEE!!!!!"
          But I digress.
          "Of course it won't!" I reassured Shorty. "I think I'll use these photos in an article about you!" (I had been kidding at the time.) "By the way, how did you like the other one you were in?"
          More mouse noises. "When you texted me and said you were writing about me I thought you were just going to do like some random short joke and then I read it and you had a picture up and EEEEEE!!!! But it was awesome, I'll give you that!"
          I applauded the run-on sentence. "Hmm, I should do an article on you..." I mused aloud, just to see what her reaction was.
          Shorty fell over. 

I wish I had been a bit faster with the screenshot on this one, but
my computer locked up. She was midway through falling, though!
          "NO!!! YOU WOULDN'T!!! This is NOT going to be another phone-in-the-toilet incident NO!!! There's no way...I bet you won't! Noooo....."
          I perked up. "You serious about that bet? How much are you willing to bet on that?"
          Shorty glared at me, a wasted effort since the corners of her mouth kept twitching. "A lot less after that last article, but but still...noo, you wouldn't. Not a chance. I WILL NOT BE TRICKED AGAIN!!!"

 that's the story behind the bet. I think I've perpetrated the perfect she's going to be forced to be completely confused regarding everything I say, because I might just do it! 
          And hilariously enough, Shorty just texted me to inquire, "You really didn't take those pics, did you?" I'm posting this to her wall and hiding for the rest of the year...did I mention she owns a lot of guns?

Maybe it's a short person thing...? They need to
do SOMETHING to avoid getting stepped on....

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