The fight started by Cap walking up to me after Mass and going, "Hey, you teach my kid theology, don't you?"
I gave him a cautious once-over. I'd seen this guy before, but never formally met him. He was definitely some kind of former military - I could tell that just from the way he walked around - so I was understandably unsure about how to answer this one. "Possibly?"
"He said you do martial arts."
Had to grin at that one. "Well that would be accurate."
"How much?"
I frowned. "How much what?"
"How much to fight you?" he elaborated.
"Here? Now? Outside church?" I started rolling up my sleeves. "No charge. Weapons or no?"
The guy cracked up. "No, I meant for training!"
"Oh." I rolled my sleeves back down. "That's disappointing - thought I was finally gonna throw down today. I'm Radar. What's your name and why do you want to fight me in training?"
Cap introduced himself and explained that he was a former Marine who wanted to get into more active hand-to-hand training as he thought he might be getting a tad rusty. I accepted him into my newly-created-as-of-five-seconds-ago "Fight Club," population now two, and we made plans to meet up at the Taekwondo academy I attended to borrow the mat for a bit.
Fortunately for me, he was very willing to actually hit me. Unfortunately for him, I was also willing to hit back, and the Marine Martial Arts program, while quite good at dealing with most things, wasn't quite up to dealing with my particular brand of Taekwondo/Karate/Krav Maga/Muay Thai/Judo/Jujutsu/Brazilian Jujitsu/Wrestling/Kung Fu/Tai Chi/Hapkido/Aikido/Boxing/Kickboxing/Bare-Knuckle Boxing/CDT/ADHD mix I threw at him. (In fairness, not many people can handle an abrupt switch between a Taekwondo-style kicking attack to a Muay Thai clinch; but in my defense, he was a very quick learner and was figuring out how to dodge the TKD stuff, so I had to mix it up or risk losing.)
"How are you at shooting and weapons tactics?" he inquired during one of our breaks.
I shrugged. "Point and pull. Why?"
Cap started stretching; I copied him as I hadn't had a fight that good in ages and I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow. "Well, you taught me a bit today and I'd like to repay the favor. I have an Airsoft group that we run military simulation drills with and I was wondering--"
"Hell yes," I said emphatically. "However, I will warn you up front - I'm a crappy teammate." I thought back to all the team games, such as Nerf Wars or laser tag, that typically ended up with me wandering off to do my own thing. It wasn't necessarily a detriment to the team, but certainly said something about my abilities - or lack thereof - as a team player. "Is there a spot for an outrider on your team?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, sorry. That's a position I made up in my groups for...eh, like laser tag or Nerf. We'd set up objectives and then the main group would run traditional tactics while I would take off and do my own thing. Worked great most of the time." I laughed. "Then I wouldn't get shot in the butt by my teammates...or worse, shoot the captain for making a stupid decision."
Cap blinked. "We really need to talk about your team tactics. I'm sure we can use you though. Got any guns?"
"Nope. What should I buy?"
Cap made what was probably the worst decision of his life. "Ah, just wait. I have recommendations, but we have plenty of guns for you to try. You just show up and we'll loan you stuff."
The pact was made.
About a month later, I was trying to be on my best behavior while covering a teammate with an electric Airsoft gun and cursing the range, delay, and feel of the gun (and my team under my breath) the entire time. Round one was not fun - I got killed six times and I'm pretty sure I didn't score once.
"Serves me right," I grumbled to Cap at the end. "I'm playing against my style. I'm trying to cover teammates who are moving all wrong. Also I hate this gun."
One of the other teammates came up to me before Cap could get a lecture off. "Really? I'll trade you."
"What do you have?"
"A gas-powered Glock replica--it's actually mine," Cap explained. "It has blowback action like a real one."
I took the offered handgun and took two shots. It felt almost exactly like firing my .22-caliber Glock I had at home. I tried to keep the grin off my face as I made the trade, electing to wait until I had the gun strapped to my leg before declaiming, "Well, y'all are in trouble now."
Cap gave me a somewhat skeptical look. "You won't be as accurate as with a long gun."
"Won't matter at the ranges I engage at. Hey, you don't have another one, do you?"
"No, why?"
I mimed finger guns with both hands. "I'd take you all out with two."
"No one dual wields," Cap noted patiently. "It doesn't work. Tell you what, I'll put you on my squad this time. If you can work with me for half the game, I'll turn you loose for the other half."
"Deal," I said.
Cap decided to put me in an ambush spot to try to hit the opposing team from the side. Great plan. The only issue was that they weren't taking the bait. Ten minutes and one leg cramp later, I decided to go shoot him instead out of boredom, which probably wouldn't have been very sportsmanlike if I actually got the shot off. Fortunately for our friendship and the match, he saw me coming and told me, "All right, go do what you do."
Didn't have to tell me twice. I took off like a tiger with its tail on fire. Hit the edge of the forest and circled to where I thought the enemy squad was, calling it almost perfectly as I entered the forest again. They were heading up one of the main paths. Easy. All I had to do was wait a few seconds to let them pass, then pop out of the woods behind them. Textbook. All four were completely oblivious to my presence as I snuck up on them--
Stepped on a stick. Dadgumit.
Still about thirty feet away, I bolted straight for them, opening up as they started to turn. I drilled the fastest one to turn first (third furthest from me) with two rounds, then put three each into the rear guard and the one just in front of him. Then, I let fly at the lead guy, nailing him with at least two out of my four rounds.
About a second later, I got hit. "Hey!"
"Does that count?" one of the guys inquired. "I think I started squeezing the trigger before you got me."
"At a K/D ratio of 4 to 1? I don't care, take the kill," I laughed, taking a break and waiting to "respawn."
Cap was actually pretty pleased with my success and I was pleased that I found a gun that I liked. He offered to send me his "optimal build" that used the Glock replica as my sidearm so I could buy the necessary equipment. I accepted...and then decided to wait in favor of my own plan.
Unbeknownst to me, he'd contacted my wife and told her that the Glock Airsoft gun was the perfect birthday gift. Unbeknownst to them, I'd already ordered two.
Which meant that the look that Cap gave me when I rocked up to our next game together wearing three Glocks - two on my thighs, one in a shoulder holster - was a legendary combination of disappointed, confused, and disgusted. "Why...?"
"Because I fight weird," I explained happily. "And you should really know that by now."
"I'm going to the other team so I can shoot you."
"Yeah, that's fair."
We split up - not a lot of guys, so we were doing two vs three today - and I took the team of two. My partner, Knight, wanted to try a pincer movement, so we split up and tried to time our attack. Unfortunately, Cap and his team took him out before I was in position, turning it into a one v three.
I duplicated my earlier trick of hitting them from behind. Well, tried to, anyway. Unfortunately, they had a rear guard, which I took out with my shoulder pistol but gave myself away. I had to dive behind a tree as Cap and his son opened up on me. Reholstering that pistol, I drew my two thigh pistols and returned fire. I managed to pin Cap's son down as they tried to put me in a pincer, then took Cap out before sneaking around Cap's side of the tree and unloading both Airsoft guns into the teenager.
"And you thought this setup wouldn't work," I needled Cap.
"Well it shouldn't," he grumbled.
Credit to Cap, though - he did eventually get me to buy a long gun...although I don't think he anticipated the five bins worth of Airsoft arsenal (courtesy of a GREAT Facebook Marketplace buy) that I started showing up with...moderation? What's that?
