Saturday, November 19, 2011

Captain's Log, Day 57: Mozart, I am NOT

          It's embarrassing. It really is.
          My younger brother Nemesis is a piano master, or he's getting there anyway. My mom and my sisters can handle a piano with proficiency, too, and my dad can sing (sort of--we tend to object to either the lyrics or the moment, or both...for instance, making up new lines to songs during math class. The joys of being homeschooled!). However, I can't carry a tune with both hands and a bucket. Depressing.
          That's not to say I haven't tried. I did a little piano before determining I lacked the coordination necessary to hit the stupid keys at the right time. Then I tried trumpet for four years. Mom made me practice in her room, which was probably the furthest from all living areas. I don't think I blame her. After that, I went back to piano for a year, but quickly determined that I had not magically gained the coordination necessary for it. I don't even need to walk into a choir tryout to know that I'm not a singer, either; the expressions on the faces of my immediate family members let me know exactly how good I was on that score.
          I still sing, though--I just do it where no one can hear me or the music I'm singing to is turned up loud enough to drown me out. Sometimes both; I don't like listening to my singing either!!
          Actually, I was discussing my musical shortcomings with my friend Sammi the other day (we'd been discussing various instruments). I mentioned that my singing wasn't so great, and without missing a beat, she said, "Oh yeah. I heard you in church!"
          It's hard to look indignant when you're laughing your head off. Just saying.
          Ah yes, I can't even write good songs; annoying, as Nemesis can drop good poetry off the top of his head, and Quill's not far behind. (I may have mentioned this before, but it BUGS ME! I look at some of his poetry and question whether one of us was adopted...) I tried to write a song a few times. It sounded good in my head, but when I put it on paper (or screen--I can't read my own handwriting), it kinda sucked. I deleted it and put it back in my head for better listening.
          Now, this does not mean I can't assist my siblings in spoofing songs, of course. We've come up with some great cooperative lyrics that are worthy of Weird Al. Our favorite is probably "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" by John Denver. We may have been a tad harsh towards fiddle-players and farm boys (ironic, considering that we live on a farm). Our favorite verse that we made up:

          I'd play my fiddle all day if I could
          But my neighbors' got a gun and what they're planning ain't good
          Gonna put me underground in a box made of wood...
          Thank God I'm a country boy!

          Thought Dad was going to pass out after hearing that one, he was laughing so hard. We're glad we could spread some joy this way! I kinda wish I'd been able to join the sibs in singing that, though. Yeah; musically inclined, I am not!
          ...can't even whistle...


  1. Sad...........just sad.

  2. You should try trombone, hardly any coordination involved.