Sunday, April 13, 2014

Captain's Log, Day 124: A Battle for the Honor and Glory of the Realm!

          My stupid alarm went off, way earlier than I thought justified. On the other hand, it was eight o'clock, and I was pushing it if I wanted to get dressed and get to class on time. I sighed, rolled over, and reached over the bed to snag my phone and shut the alarm off.
          The "text received" light was flashing. Strange. I never got a text before 10am. I also usually didn't get texted until I messaged someone. Frowning, I unlocked my phone and checked my messages.

          Ben: Kings pawn to E4.

          This was going to be a good day.
          Ben and I had started playing mental chess during one of our classes together in undergrad--specifically, drawing. Two straight hours of sketching was usually more boring than either of us had liked, so we tried to play chess by telling each other what our moves were and then remembering what the board looked like. A difficulty arose in that some of the letters and numbers sounded the same, and since we were talking in low voices, we sometimes lost track of where pieces were going.
          But I digress. This was how my day went, at least on a mental level.

          Me: King's pawn to E5.
          Ben: Queens knight toA3
          Me: Queen's knight's pawn to B6
          Ben: Queen's knight to C4
          Me: King's bishop's pawn to F6
          Ben: King's bishop's pawn to F3
          Me: Queen's pawn to D5
          Ben: Queen's bishops pawn to C3
          Ben: Careful. This is the point where blood soaks the streets.
          Me: Right...but it's not mine! Queen's bishop's pawn to C4, takes knight
          Ben: Kings bishop to C4, takes pawn
          Ben: And i think you meant queen's pawn.
          Me: Whoops, yeah...king's bishop to C5
          Ben: Queen to A4. Check.
          Me: Queen's bishop's pawn (the real one this time) to C6. Uncheck.
          Ben: Queen's pawn to D4.
          Me: King's pawn to D4, takes pawn
          Ben: Queen's bishop's to D4, takes pawn
          Me: King's bishop to D4, takes pawn
          Ben: Queen's bishop to F4
          Me: King's bishop to B2, takes pawn
          Ben: Queen's bishop to B8. Takes knight.
          Me: King's bishop to A1. Takes rook.
          Ben: Queen tp c6, takes pawn, pins rook. Check.
          Ben: I think I just heard you scream "Son of a gun" all the way from Iowa.
          Me: Actually, I yelled "DANGIT WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT????" but yeahhhh....
          Me: Queen's bishop to D7, uncheck, much cussing
          Ben: Gah. Traffic. Queen takes rook.
          Me: Ughh...queen's knight's pawn to B5
          Ben: Kings bishop to F7.
          Ben: Check.
          Me: Uhh, king to F7. Uncheck. Why?
          Ben: Because queen to D5. Check
          Me: King to G6. Uncheck.
          Ben: Rooks pawn to H4.
          Me: King's knight to E7.
          Ben: Rooks pawn to h5. Check.
          Me: Yeahhh, king to H6, followed by cussing
          Ben: Bishop checkmates king. Good game. :)
          Me: HA! Not quite. KING'S KNIGHT'S PAWN TO H5. BLOCKED.
          Me: ....did I just hear a "son of a gun" emanating from Iowa? ;)
          Ben: Well, crap....
          Ben: CHIN DAO SI SI MO TAE GORAM. I may need time to consider this move.
          Me: What the heck does that mean?
          Ben: Dunno. Heard it from Mal. I assume its cussin'

          So, anyway, that was Day 1. Day 2 started out with....

          Ben: Queen to G5. Takes pawn, check. Possibly mate.
          Me: King's bishop's pawn to G5. Takes queen. Uncheck.
          Me: ...was that cussing I heard?
          Ben: Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap
          Ben: Queen's bishop to E5
          Me: King's bishop to E5, takes bishop
          Me: I haven't moved that guy since I took your rook haha
          Ben: Nooooooooooooo
          Ben: King's knight to H3
          Me: Bishop to C3, check
          Ben: Queen's knight to C3. Takes bishop.
          Me: Uhh, queen's knight died a while ago
          Me: Right after your "blood soaks the street" comment, I pulled a "Queen's bishop's pawn to C4, takes knight." He's dead, Jim.
          Me: ...I did send flowers to his funeral, though.
          Ben: Drat you're right. Hold on, I need to set up a chess board. Sleep does bad things to the memory.
          Me: I need to go BUY a chess board haha
          Ben: King to G1, rook to F1.
          Me: Uh, you can't castle out of a check. My bishop's still covering your king.
          Ben: ??? Googling.
          Me: I've tried that on my computer chess program repeatedly before--it doesn't work, unfortunately
          Ben: Dag frabbit.
          Ben: I had you on the ropes too...
          Me: Thank goodness for the reserve troops
          Ben: I move my king you take my last knight with your bishop, pawn takes bishop, queen moves to 1st row, checkmate.
          Me: Clever of me, right? ;)
          Ben: Well played, my friend. A very good game.

          It was, at that. It was a very good game. As my old Humans versus Zombies team would say...FOR HONOR!! FOR GLORY!!! FOR VICTORYYYY!!!!!

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