...and, come to think of it, this was really only normal for me. Unless the rest of you had pretend midget girlfriends/wives (it varied) in college.
One further note: the "pretend" part was regarding the relationship status, not the height. Totally a midget. Hence the shin-kicking.
Anyway, the real fun started when I managed to steal her phone and send a text from it to a secondary number of mine.
"YEEK! Radar, gimme that back!" Shorty demanded.
"Yeah, yeah, give me a second," I said absently. The table was wide enough to prevent a sudden onslaught from the other side, so I had a moment.
That's not to say she didn't think about launching herself across like a very tiny Radar-seeking missile, but since there would be a certain launch time associated with that while she climbed up on the table, she settled for giving me the evil eye instead. "Well, good thing I password-locked it."
I finished the text and flipped the phone around. "You mean the password I guessed on the second try?"
Shorty closed her eyes in mock pain. "You know me too well."
"As your kill/death ratio in Halo would indicate," I agreed, tossing her phone back across the table. "You may receive an interesting text in a few moments."
"What did you do?"
"Texted a friend of mine," I lied. Actually, I had some research to do on a book, and I wanted to see if I could write well enough as someone else to fool one who knew me. Hence, Shorty. Stealthily, I pulled out my phone and texted her back.
She unlocked her phone. "What did you--RADAR!!!!!"
I snickered. "It's a conversation starter!"
"Well, now this guy is going to think I'm crazy!" she complained.
*BZZ*
She read the text. "Oh. Wait. Never mind. He knows I'm crazy."
"Really? How so?" I asked innocently.
She made a face at me. "Because I hang out with you."
"Fair point," I conceded, confident she hadn't guessed that is was me.
(She never figured it out--until I told her a year later, anyway. Definitely my longest-running prank of all time. She didn't believe me either until I sent her the screenshots of the account information for that phone number!)
We finished the meal with more debate about various random things--arguing about everything was pretty much our favorite pastime--and headed back to college. Once there, I remembered to finally take my racquetball gear out of the car. A fateful decision, as it turned out.
"What are you planning on doing with that?" Shorty asked as I slammed the door shut.
"Teach you how to play!" I announced, striking an exaggerated pose.
She snorted and kept walking, back towards her apartment. "Yeah, no. First off, I already know how--"
"THEN I CHALLENGE!" I whooped.
"And second off, just no. I've heard stories--I'm too young to die!"
"Wuss."
"No, just smar--hey, is that a cat?"
I looked where she was pointing. Two glowing eyes stared back at us from under a nearby car. I frowned. "Hmm, something seems off for a cat."
"It's totally a cat," Shorty said positively and made several clicking sounds. "Here, kitty, kitty, kit--holy crap!"
I burst out laughing as the "cat" whipped around and retreated, exposing a very long and very bare tail. "Yeah, that's a possum!"
"Shut up," Shorty suggested, red-faced.
"Make me," I returned, already rushing forward. "Come on! It went under that car there!"
"Why are we following the giant rodent?" she asked, hanging back in a manner justifying my "wuss" comment previously.
"Rodents of unusual size? I don't believe they exist," I quoted. "But to answer your question, I want to catch it."
"Oh, great." Shorty crouched, muttering something about frogs.
I ignored her and dropped down as well. "Man, it's going to be hard to get it out from there." I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture, spooking it. "--there it goes!"
"Behind the fan!" Shorty announced, getting into the chase in spite of herself. (Admittedly, she probably thought there wasn't a chance I would actually catch it.)
I sighed and hopped back up. "It's an AC unit, you...you...um...math major!"
She burst out laughing.
I scurried around the car in hot pursuit. Peeking over the top of the unit, I saw a pointy snout, so I took another picture. After a moment's study, I took my best guess at where his tail was, dropped the phone, and dove. There was a scream.
But not from me.
"You caught it youcaughtitholycrapareyouINSANE??" Shorty yelped as I dragged the reluctant rodent out.
I snagged one of my discarded rackets just in time to prevent the hissing beast from biting my leg. "See? Piece of cake. Take a picture!"
The possum resigned itself to its fate and stopped struggling, giving both of us the evil eye. Shorty picked up my phone semi-reluctantly and snapped a few pictures. "You're crazy."
"Yep," I agreed. "Okay, back up, I'm letting him go."
Shorty retreated with a speed normally associated with ballistic missiles. I let go of Mr. Possum's tail. He declined the possibility of a rematch and took off like a shot into the darkness.
I held out my hand for my phone. "You know, if these don't turn out, we'll have to catch him again--"
"Oh hell no!" Shorty giggled.
Fortunately for her sanity, she did get a good one.
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