Captain's Log, Day Four: "Shuffling" verses "Epic"

          So on the way home today, I had to move out of the way on the road for an ambulance.

          Naturally, this made me begin to think. Unfortunately, I’ve never found a way to turn off my mind. The mind derailment started with ambulances in general. First off, I wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or not that I’ve never been in one. On the one hand, it’s definitely a good thing that I’ve never been busted up badly enough to warrant a ride, but on the other hand, I’m kinda curious as to what’s in one of those things. Wonder if there’s a bacta tank back there? Maybe I should watch US Marshalls again.

          My next logical thought (as I watched it speed off) was, “I wonder what it’s like to drive one?” Think about this for a second…you get to drive waaaay faster than the speed limit. And it’s LEGAL!!!! At least, I’ve never heard of an ambulance getting ticketed. The only problem with that it that you have to deal with the injured people in the back. I don’t think I’d do well with that.  And on a slightly unrelated topic that just popped into my head (as long as I’m on the subject of speeding), I wonder if police officers ever turn on their lights in the hopes that someone will try to escape? I would imagine that it would be really fun to try to run down someone in one of those new police cruisers, not to mention that going 220 mph also sounds really fun.

          Anyway, the last and most sobering thing that I thought about—YES, I can be serious sometimes!—was my mortality. I’ve always kinda wonder about how I would “shuffle off this mortal coil,” as it were. Knowing me, I’m not gonna “shuffle.” It will be more of a “bungee-jump-off-the-treehouse-breaks-cord-slamming-me-onto-springboard-launching-me-over-pond-into-barn-where-static-electricitry-sparks-set-off-the-firework-stash-that-I-KNEW-I-should-have-moved-into-my-secret-hideout-before-now.” I just hope someone has a camera so I can watch the epicness during my ambulance ride, instead of absolutely ticking off the driver by my constant backseat directions.

          But who am I kidding? I’m not an epic person, I’m more of a height-of-irony guy. I’ll probably be hit by an ambulance.