Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Captain's Log, Day Nine: Today, Robin Hood CHEATS

          I have a slight apology to make. I spent all day today working, so I was unfortunately not able to come up with a decent (coherent) thought for an article today. But don't worry--I have a solution. It's called...wait for it...CHEATING. Yep, I'm going to post a short story I wrote a few months ago detailing some of the more imaginative goings-on of my youth, i.e. last summer. Guess who I am in this episode...

                                       Robin Hood and His Merry Men
            Robin Hood and his Merry Men roamed the forests of Sherwood. They were the terror of the Sheriff and his evil henchmen; unstoppable, save when they forgot who they were. An excerpt from the aftermath of a raid will suffice to show the amnesia of said Merry Men:

“Hey, Little John, where are the crackers?”
“Little John” looks up from the backpack he is rummaging through. “I’m not Little John, I’m Robin Hood!”
“Hey, I thought I was Robin Hood!”
“No, you’re Much the Miller.”
A third voice, “I thought SHE was Little John and I was Much!”
Robin Hood sighs. “No, YOU’RE Little John and SHE’S Much. And YOU have the crackers.”
“I’m Maid Marian, right?” The person who speaks thus attempts to hit a tree with Much’s bow and arrow. Despite being in a dense forest, she doesn’t hit a thing. Including the ground, as the arrow lands in the creek.
Much nods her head, then sees the bow. “Hey, give me that back!!”
Maid Marian reluctantly passes over the bow. “Can I have some cheese?”
Much hands her the cheese. “I totally beat the Sherriff!!”
“Didya see me take on the twelve henchmen?” Little John asks excitedly, swinging his quarterstaff.
“Too bad Mom won’t let us carry our quarterstaffs into the house,” Robin Hood observes. “That would be a lot more fun.”
“We can still beat them anyway,” Much counters—a wise observation, as the Sherriff and his men exist only in the very real imaginings of the foursome.
“THERE THEY ARE!!!” Robin Hood has gotten a bit bored with lunch and decides to liven things up a bit. He snatches up his staff and charges flailing into a bush, which he begins whacking with an enthusiasm that would not be out of place in a demolition shop. “I’ll take these fifteen! Take THAT!”
Much immediately begins shooting at trees with better accuracy than her sister, killing the henchmen in droves. Little John runs to help Robin Hood subdue the bush. Maid Marian is obviously torn between the cheese and her duty, but the battle is over before she can decide on an appropriate course of action.
After much bragging, the four return to their snack. Small talk continues until Robin Hood remembers something. He springs up and runs back to the now thoroughly cowed bush. He returns with some old leaves.
“Look!” he says. “Gold!”

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