Saturday, August 6, 2011

Captain's Log, Day 40: Is Sarcasm a Superpower?

          I got to see Captain America today!
          For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I highly advise you do, so I'll try not to spoil the movie for you. To sum it up, it's awesome. I would totally build a shield and try some of the moves C.A. pulled off, if all my metal resources weren't being used on my Ironman suit.
          I think I'd make a pretty good superhero. I've got no problem with dangerous situations (as evidenced), have decent reflexes (ask my brother!), and am completely hopeless with girls (so I'd never have to deal with messy relationship issues when I should be concentrating on tracking down criminals or evil overlords).
          The only thing I can't decide is what my trademark weapon should be. Ironman has the suit, Captain America has the shield, Thor has the hammer, Chuck Norris has The Roundkick...seems like all the good weapons are taken. I would probably go with dual katanas as my trademark, but I'm definitely carrying some handguns for longer-range work. My ideal arsenal would be eight guns, two katanas, and two knives. And maybe some kind of metal forearm/hand protector, so I don't hurt myself when I try to do something stupid, like block a knife with my hand.
          Believe it or not, I actually have a suit design made up in my mind. Unfortunately, I can't draw, so you can't see it. I would hire my sister, but I'm not that dedicated to being mocked. It's very ninja-like, though.
          I do have a weakness, though (besides my sarcasm, although I might argue that it might actually be a superpower)--I can't work in groups very well. I prefer to fight solo, on the rational that if something stupid happens, the only person I can blame is myself. Also, I don't want to accidentally take out teammates. That's typically frowned upon in superhero society. On the other hand, this is a better weakness than, say, kryptonite. Let me illustrate...

          Superman: "Surrender!"
          Evil guy: "Look, kryptonite!"
          Superman: "AAAAAAaaaakkk...."
          Me: "Surrender!"
          Evil guy: "Look! Here's a group you need to work with!"
          Me: "Whatever, I'll just blame them if you escape. Come on, hands up..."
          Evil guy: "Why can't you be allergic to kryptonite or cats or something?"
          Me: "I could fake a sneeze if it would make you feel better."
          Evil guy: "Could you let me escape, too?"

          Hmm, I appear to be a little overqualified, but that's a good thing, right? So where the heck is my letter from S.H.I.E.L.D.?????

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