Monday, July 11, 2011

Captain's Log, Day 21: An Actual Log For Once...

          This is a log of a dreaded "family meeting."
          Family meetings are a great source of amusement for me. Everyone hates them because they last so long, but after documenting a few instances I discovered that we kind of sabotage the whole thing. Below is a more-or-less accurate secretary’s report of one of our more epic meetings (written in third person).

          Members—these are not official positions, but if we were an official organization, this is what we would be:
          Dad—Vice President
          Nemesis—Assistant Secretary
          Squirrel—Assistant Treasurer

10:00am          President brings the meeting to order amidst much complaining.
10:01               General confusion.
10:02               Allowances are discussed and the chore chart is presented.
10:03               The Grand Inquisition starts.
10:04               The two brothers discuss room-cleaning divisions. Minor argument.
10:06               Bandages administered.
10:10               The questioning is finished and the weekly trips are discussed.
10:11               The Assistant Treasurer  attempts raid on the pantry for the chocolate. She is forcibly stopped.
10:12               Vice President recites poetry.
10:14               All the kids finish laughing. President loses agenda.
10:15               The secretary gets bored with proceedings and begins playing ChexQuest.
10:17               The secretary is betrayed by Assistant Secretary. Napkin duel ensues.
10:18               Napkin duel is cancelled due to grave threats from the parental unit.
10:19               Assistant Treasurer falls off her chair. Minor mocking.
10:20               Much commotion from the Treasurer and Assistant Treasurer. Apparently President forgot to distribute the allowances.
10:21               President distributes allowances. Much thievery, mostly by Vice President.
10:23               All money recovered. A card game is invented and started by Vice President. Younger siblings participate.
10:24               President scolds Vice President for setting a bad example in not listening. Minor debate. Vice President wins card game. Secretary is unsurprised.
10:25               Parental unit discusses boring stuff. Secretary begins kicking war with Assistant Secretary.
10:27               Accidentally hit Vice President. War is brought to an abrupt end. Assistant Treasurer is immensely amused.
10:28               Assistant Treasurer hugs Treasurer for no reason. Much protesting.
10:29               Assistant Treasurer releases victim after two executive orders and a spatula have been applied.
10:30               President attempts to restore order. Vice President cracks bad jokes.
10:31               More travel plans. Attempt is made to steal Secretary’s money through executive order. Debate.
10:33               Secretary wins discussion.
10:34               Assistant Treasurer finally understands the jokes. More mocking.
10:35               Secretary and Assistant raid pantry for chips. Nachos are discussed.
10:36               Meeting is broken up as the kids are dismissed in despair. Executive Branch goes off to finish meeting.

                                                May your socks remain troll-free,
                                                            Radar Midway, Secretary

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