Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Captain's Log, Day 22: A Tale of Three Siblings

          Apparently, a lot of people liked the family meeting notes. This has led me to decide to post some more secretarial notes, these from a club we three oldest siblings formed. My sister Quill, the budding English major, was voted the secretary for our club. There's a bit of editorial slant here. Also, when reading the notes, it appears that we have nine members, but that's just because we thought it would be funny to hold down multiple positions and hold arguments with ourselves.
          This is our third meeting. It was held outside, with all the mosquitoes, but the upside was that me and my brother Nemesis could dig forts with sticks in the dirt. Nemesis, for reasons unknown, enjoyed vetoing every motion just so he could make horse noises (he also pretended to be a gopher, but since that kept him quiet, none of us complained). He also preceded every one of his remarks on this occasion with drum sounds. I don't know why. Quill spun herself dizzy on the swing--how she was able to write like that, I have no idea. It was on this occasion that I tried out my Spanish accent. I thought I sounded pretty good; my siblings claimed I sounded like a duck. Also, our "mascot" (our dog Max) kept running through our forts. Not much was accomplished.

          Me: President
          Quill: Secretary
          Nemesis: General
                             Fort Status Scout

                                                  Third Meeting

1:48:    Radar brings meeting to order by talking Duck with a stick.
1:49     Minor difficulties. Members lambast each other with sticks. Secretary throws a watch. Lookout appears to be broken.
1:50     President wields a briefcase. Order is restored momentarily.
1:51     President can’t make up his mind.
1:52     Secretary’s report.
1:53     Horse is introduced again. Drum quiets on threat of being broken.
1:55     Mascot snorts like a demented water buffalo. Secretary gets eaten alive. Lookout begins a primitive war dance and is instantly sedated. Funds are discussed.
1:58     Lookout becomes either a gargoyle or a mosquito, it’s hard to tell. President digs a hole to China. Members slap themselves and each other. It is decided to pay in at least ten dollars. Safe in danger of exploding.
2:01     General is still broken. Lookout erupts. Gophers are annihilated.
2:02     Gopher civil war ensues. President gets harpooned.
2:03     Worm is found. Club has amnesia.
2:04     Secretary gets caught in a blender.
2:05     Invasion of China through holes is planned. Secretary daydreams about holes in the ozone layer.
2:06     Dirtballs invented. Civil war ensues. Grammar discussion.
2:07     Worm is found, possibly the same one as before. Newspapers are alerted. Lookout is killed.
2:08     Maintaining meetings is discussed. Secretary throws trees.
2:09     Meetings are unanimously decided to be on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. Club is overrun by nuclear animals. Lookout comes back to life and is killed again.
2:11     New subjects are introduced and decided to be stupid. General forms a type of primitive jackhammer. Club is overrun by “Gilligan’s Island.”
2:13     Stupidity overcomes forces of nature. General digs upwards. World conquering is discussed. Drum makes a comeback and emits a gob of spit. Club loses memory.
2:15     Outing is planned. President suffers attack of short term memory loss. No one cares. Geographical complications. War is reintroduced.
2:17     President is decided to belong in Russia.
2:18     Vote to adjourn meeting. Horses are prevented at the cost of sanity. Meeting adjourned.
                                                Tidings of comfort and trees,
                                                                        Quill Midway, Secretary

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